How to Respond (not react) to Rude People?

Frustration peaks during nasty conversations. Read on to claim your PEACEOFMIND!

Whenever we come across someone nasty or rude, we always ask
 ourselves “Why this person is rude to me?” That’s a interesting question to ask but it is not going to help you in any manner. Neither you would be able to find out the exact reason for it. Nor you should try to. Why? Because that is not your problem. You don’t get sick with sick people. Right.

You see what is important here is to know how to deal with rude people. But before I tell you how to deal with them, you first need to understand why do they affect you in the first place. You can experience rudeness from people you know like your family members, relatives, co-workers, boss etc. or it may come from someone who is completely stranger to you. One thing is very clear here, be it strangers or someone who you know dearly both can evoke negative emotions inside you through their rudeness.

Why rude people have a negative affect on us?

a. Emotional Strength — As kids while growing up, you are never taught in school or by your parents how to be emotionally strong. Your emotions are always pouring out of your head and you don’t know how to handle them. And suddenly, you are being told that you are an adult now and you need to be strong enough to independently (as per social norms) tackle the world. You are bound to get affected during difficult situations of your life without having right tools for it.

b. Sleep & Healthy Diet — Two most ignored components of your life is Sleep and Diet. Confused! What it has to do with dealing with rude people? When we are sleep deprived we are irritated, have poor concentration power and apathy in short we are too fragile and a small verbal altercation can affect us deeply. Similarly, Healthy diet and being hydrated is very important, as it enriches your body with various nutrients which helps you in having balanced mood and improves your mental health.

c. Lack of Self Awareness — Sometimes we are biggest strangers to ourselves which means we are ignorant of our strengths and weaknesses. And one can easily be defeated by the enemy, if one doesn’t knows what kind of ammunition they possess.

d. Focus & Goal Oriented — There are only two ways in which you can live your life either on Autopilot Mode or Manual Mode. None of them is right or wrong. But the trick is to balance between both of them and create appropriate amalgamation of both. If you are only living on autopilot mode, anyone can come and crumble and crush you and if you are only living on manual mode, you will exhaust all your energy and without exploring different options provided by life. In short by looking at larger picture, you can be indifferent to rude people but if you are yourself lost in life, it can be really difficult to handle.

e. Overwhelmed — When you overwhelm yourself by being overly ambitious and you want to achieve so much in so little time. Your mind gets clogged and you start thinking narrowly like rude people. This indeed results into fits of anger and frustration inside you.

g. Amplifying the entire situation — Your mind is very powerful, it has full capability to amplify or condense any situation. Nasty people affect you because your mind is amplifying the entire situation much more than what it actually is.

Now, that we understand why rude people have affect on us. Let’s find out how can we tackle them and respond to them without having a negative affect on us.

I. Emotional Hygiene — Like we take care of our body by bathing everyday, cleaning it, similarly we need to create a habit of having a emotional hygiene. What is Emotional Hygiene? It is acknowledging your emotional wounds and then taking necessary measures to heal them. I would highly recommend watching below Tedx Talk by Guy Winch to have better understanding of Emotional Hygiene. By maintaining emotional hygiene, you would be able to avoid fits of anger and frustration when you are dealing with rude people. It keeps your emotions in check. Therefore, while you are speaking with rude people you can respond to them with your intellect instead getting emotionally attached.

How to practice emotional hygiene | Guy Winch |

II. Meditation — Your mind is full of noises, noises of people all around you. Imagine that your mind is a Tower which has numerous rooms and each room is occupied by different people like your parents, spouse, friends, family members, teachers, co-workers, boss, neighbours etc. Now each person has their own perspective and view point and you have gained at least one good and bad quality from each one of them because of the time you have spent with them. For your mind to function properly, you need to shut down the noises to hear your real voice and how do you do that by MEDITATING. When someone is talking rudely with you, you can be least impacted if you chose to hear what you want to hear by shutting down external noises and hearing your inner voice. Below is one of my favourite guided meditation from Deepak Chopra. It has impacted tens of thousands of people. Would highly recommend to check it out.

III. Communication — Let me ask you something, when was the last time you communicated with yourself. Yes, you read it correctly, ‘with yourself’. Do you remember that? Probably never. Most people never have a active conversation with themselves. Why it is important to talk to oneself? To learn about yourself. That’s silly you will say “I know what I like which colour, phone or destination to travel etc.” But if I ask you what were the last five emotions you experienced in last 24 hours, would you be able to tell me that. The only way to improve your quality of your emotions is by building a good relationship with yourself and that is only possible if you communicate regularly with yourself. Your mind can only be misled and affected, if their is gap between your intelligence and mind. If they are aligned with each other, any kind of negative behaviour won’t affect you because your logic and emotions are working in sync with each other.

IV. Healthy Diet — According to various studies, lack of certain nutrients in our body fluctuates our mood. Check out below blog by Josh Baum to find out which nutrients and vitamins affect your mood. By taking proper diet certainly you are equipping yourself with strong mental health which indeed puts you in a strong position in front of haters and you can respond to them with your right senses.

V. Proper Sleep — Below is a incredible Ted Talk by Jeff where he speaks how our brains flushes the toxins during sleeping. Sleeping not only refreshes and clears your mind but also cleanse your brain from metabolite and toxins. For more details to understand the process, you can watch the video below.

One more reason to get a good night’s sleep | Jeff Iliff

Above solutions will help you to build a strong character and confidence. And next time you interact with someone rude, you will not be emotionally drained. You need to understand that rudeness is an attitude, and the only way to tackle it is by not being rude with rude people. It is not rudeness which affects you, it is the emotions which rudeness evokes inside you affects you deeply. The key here is that you should not fall into the prey of haters instead you should play it smartly (without carrying any emotional baggage) by responding to them with kindness and compassion. You cannot control the world, only thing you can control is how you respond to the world. By having right tools and mind set, you can have the most difficult conversations with ease, peace and patience.

How do you tackle rude people? Share with me in the comments.